Diaspro and the Case of the Stolen Fanfic
by Ultimate Bohab
Summary: Diaspro finds that her fanfiction has been blatantly copied and demands justice, but can the Doobie Gang solve the mystery? Based on a true story.
1. Diaspro Gets Trolled

Diaspro focused intensely on the computer screen before her, madly typing away at the laptop's keyboard. Her day had been awful, despite a promising start. She had awoken with an intent to truly accomplish something, but her hopes had been dashed by that horrible Bloom. She'd lost her job, any chance of redeeming herself before Prince Sky, and on top of all that, she was pushed into a pool for no reason. Rude as hell. The only good thing to come out of all this was that it provided for some excellent fanfiction fodder. Diaspro had taken up the hobby only recently, but found it quite therapeutic.

"And then Princess Diamond took up She-Ra's sword and smote the evil Whoredak Bloom once and for all." Diaspro angrily said out loud as she typed her story's conclusion. Princess Diamond was her obvious self insert, who battled various incarnations of Bloom throughout several Saturday morning cartoons.

"Finally. Now I'll submit my last chapter to fanfiction dot net." Diaspro said. "Maybe I'll at least get a little respect on the internet, since I can't get it in real life."

Diaspro uploaded her document and re-read it one more time after it was published to make sure there were no errors. Satisfied, she closed her laptop and went to take a shower. She was still in a bad mood, but at least she accomplished _something _without messing up. Diaspro slipped off her clothes and admired her ass in the mirror before stepping into the shower. As the warm water rushed over her skin, she couldn't help but feel relaxed.

After spending twenty minutes in the shower, Diaspro was ready for bed. She put on a transparent sleeping gown and crawled underneath the covers. "Maybe tomorrow will be better." she mumbled to herself as she drifted into slumber.

* * *

Diaspro woke up later than usual, but it didn't matter, she didn't have a job to wake up for. She crawled out of bed and lazily got dressed, not bothering to put the Eraklyon ceremonial armor on. "I'm probably going to be forced to return it." Diaspro said venomously.

Pushing thoughts of Sky and his family aside, Diaspro opened up her laptop and went to check on her story. To her dismay, there were no reviews or favorites. Disappointed, she decided to look at other recent fanfiction posts. Then utter disaster struck. On the second page was a story with the same title as hers, and upon further review, the exact same description, just with the names switched. Horrified, Diaspro clicked on it.

"This is unthinkable! Someone stole my precious fanfiction!" she wailed. Then she looked at the screen again. "And it has more reviews and favorites than mine!"

Diaspro cared way too much about her stupid fanfic to let this go, she had to find the culprit and end them. The username of the person who stole her story was not indicative of their real name, so Diaspro had a mystery on her hands. She would not rest until she tracked this motherfucker down and put a bullet through their brain. A magical bullet, that is.

Diaspro had no idea how to go about locating the perpetrator, but she knew someone who might be able to help, someone of great power and wisdom who's very name struck fear into the hearts of fairies and witches alike. "I'll just call _him_, surely _he_ can destroy whoever dared to steal my story!" Diaspro cackled as she flipped open her phone.

* * *

Somewhere on the other side of the magical dimension, a phone rang. After the second jingle, a mysterious gloved hand picked it up and answered. "You've reached Valtor the wizard, infamous criminal and leading advocate for the legalization of marijuana in the magical dimension. How may I help you?"


	2. Wizard Wanks

Valtor materialized with a gust of wind and a dash of purple smoke, startling Diaspro, who dropped her phone in surprise. The wizard's eyes were a crimson red, and it was pretty easy to see why.

"Is that a joint?" Diaspro asked, pointing to the rolled up doobie in Valtor's hand.

"That's not important right now." the wizard replied, magically whisking his drugs into a pocket universe for later use. "What did you summon me for?"

"Somebody stole my fanfiction over the Internet, and I need you to find them and kill them." Diaspro said, clenching her fist. "My life has already been ruined enough, I don't some petty plebeian fucking around with it even more online."

Valtor covered his mouth with his hand to disguise the smirk that crept onto his face. He privately thought that the whole situation was laughable, who would care so much about a ridiculous story based on some cartoon? But Diaspro wore his mark, and was therefore entitled to his help. At least for now. The wizard regained his composure and put a reassuring hand on Diaspro's shoulder, which came off as more than a little creepy to the fairy.

"Have no fear my dear, Valtor is here." he said. "I will use all the power at my disposal to locate the one who copied your story."

"That's fantastic. Stop touching me." Diaspro responded, removing Valtor's hand from her person. "So when are you going to use your almighty magic to find out who did it?"

The wizard looked around shiftily after being asked the question. "Ah, yes, my unmatched sorcery prowess requires... space. I'm going to have to ask to be alone with your laptop for a few minutes." he said.

Diaspro wasn't sure if Valtor was trustworthy, but his reputation didn't exist for nothing. If she wanted to punish the thieving bastard that dared take her story, she would need to let the wizard do his work. "Fine, just don't look into any of my personal files. Just because you're some kind of notorious villain doesn't mean I'm afraid of you." Diaspro stated, leaving the room.

* * *

Once he had the room to himself, Valtor let out a throaty evil laugh. He would eventually get to the bottom of the fanfic theft, but not before he enjoyed some questionable videos on the Internet. The wizard opened the laptop and immediately went to his favorite adult website, Wildwitches dot com, where he proceeded to view an explicit tape of Darcy and a broomstick which will not be detailed here or anywhere else.

"I had no idea she was that flexible." Valtor chuckled. Then he got serious; it was time to start looking for the culprit. However, rather than using his considerable magic, the wizard merely pulled out his phone and pressed a few buttons.

"Hi, this is Timmy. Who am I speaking with?" the voice on the other end of the line asked.

"Hey Timmy, this is WeedWizard69 from World of Warcraft, I'm in your clan." Valtor said. "I need your help with something."

"Oh, hey man. Sure thing!" Timmy replied. "Wait a minute, how do you know my number?"

"That's not important right now. What is important is that a friend of mine had her fanfiction stolen and she wants to find out who did it. Do you think you could hack the system and find out?"

"Not a problem, just send me a link by email and we'll be good to go. By the way, you still on for the raid tonight?" Timmy asked.

"You know it, Horde bros forever." Valtor said, hanging up. Then he opened the page Diaspro had marked as the stolen story and forwarded it to Timmy. "Excellent. Now all I have to do is wait." Valtor grinned, lighting up a joint.

* * *

Outside the door, Diaspro paced back and forth restlessly. If she were a weaker individual, the events of the past couple of days would have left he a teary eyed emotional mess, but Diaspro was strong. She had been humiliated and robbed from several times before, and each tragedy further hardened her heart, like a diamond.


	3. Enter the Doobie Gang

Timmy opened the email sent to him by the man he only knew as WeedWizard69, and immediately went to work. He traced the IP address of the stolen fanfiction's poster, which would lead him directly to the computer that was used to plagiarize the story. It took only a few minutes before the program completed its job, displaying the results on Timmy's computer screen. However, what Timmy discovered was not at all what he had expected.

"Hey dude, I did the scan, and the fanfiction was stolen by someone at Alfea!" the shocked nerd told Valtor over the phone. "I can't imagine a _fairy_ ever stealing someone else's things!"

"How casually classist of you." the wizard replied drolly. "But what I want to know exactly who, give me the specifics."

"Well that's the problem, the computer I tracked it to was one of the school's library computers, literally any student could have used it. You're gonna have to do an investigation or something." Timmy said.

"An investigation, you say? That is a brilliant idea." Valtor mused. "I've been meaning to visit Alfea anyways. Unfortunately, this means I'll be a bit late for the raid."

"No problem, we can reschedule." Timmy said. "I'm gonna go do some grinding on my elf, see you later WeedWizard69!" then he hung up the phone.

Valtor rubbed his chin in thought, pondering the best way to go about discovering the culprit. "I suppose we'll just have to interrogate the entire student body, which would, coincidentally, include that infernal Winx Club!" the wizard laughed evilly. "This is the perfect excuse to rid myself of Bloom once and for all!"

* * *

Diaspro was tired of waiting, so she burst through the door to confront Valtor about what was taking so goddamn long. "Are you done with your stupid magic yet? My revenge can't wait forever!" the fairy asked irately.

"Calm your exquisitely shaped tits, I've found out the location of the perpetrator. Now I just need to gather my Doobie Gang and investigate it." Valtor replied.

"Don't ever mention my tits again." Diaspro said, disgusted. "Anyways, what is this gang of yours?"

"Oh, you'll find out, because I'm about to summon them." Valtor smirked, gathering his magical energy and opening a portal in time and space. Diaspro watched in anticipation as three foreboding figures stepped out from the swirling gateway, their shadows identifying them as tall women with ridiculous hairstyles.

"This had better be important, I was in the middle of doing my hair." Stormy said, fluffing her large purple afro, which still had a comb stuck in it.

"What are you talking about, you haven't brushed that rat's nest since we were freshmen." Darcy sneered.

"Quit your witching." Icy snapped. "But I still wanna know what the hell we're doing here." she demanded of Valtor.

"Diaspro, meet the Doobie Gang." the wizard said. "You may recognize them as the notorious senior witches that nearly conquered the magical dimension in season one."

Diaspro frowned. "Season one? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, um, that's not important right now. Anyways, they're in my service now, and I assure you that the Doobie Gang will solve the mystery."

The witches glared at Valtor, obviously not happy with the moniker he had chosen for them. "Why the fuck do we have to be called the 'Doobie Gang'? That name is stupid as hell, and you're the only one of us that even smokes weed." Icy said, crossing her arms.

"There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for the name!" Valtor replied. "When I visited earth and discovered marijuana, I also happened upon a cartoon called Scooby Doo, which is about four groovy humans and a talking dog that solve mysteries, and I thought it would be witty if I-"

"That's fucking retarded!" Stormy yelled. "No way am I gonna be involved in this stupid shit!"

"Would you do it for a... Stormy snack?" the wizard asked, pulling a box of treats from under his coat. Stormy looked at the box longingly, but then stomped her foot and turned away.

"_Two_ Stormy snacks?" Valtor tempted, waving the biscuits in the air. As he expected, the witch caved in and snatched them from his hand, quickly devouring them.

"Fine, I'll help. But I better get the chance to wreck some stuff." Stormy grumbled.


	4. Breaking and Entering

Valtor, Diaspro, and the Trix arrived at Alfea late in the evening, not wanting to be caught in broad daylight. The wizard had come up with the plan; they were to break into the school and interrogate each fairy in their bed, so no alarm could be raised. Valtor naturally thought his scheme was foolproof, but Darcy disagreed.

"It would be so much easier if we disguised ourselves as fairies, then asked around to see who in the school writes fanfiction." the witch argued. "Your way is going to take forever and probably won't even work."

"Silence! I'm the big boss around here, so you just shut up and follow orders." Valtor snarled.

"Oh really, who put you in charge? Do you think you can just assume power because you're male? Is that it, you sexist pig?" Icy asked venomously. "Give me two good reasons why we should listen to you."

"Okay, fine." the wizard replied. "Reason number one, I have this sweet-ass coat. Look at it. Damn, it's classy. Reason number two, I can do this." Valtor then proceeded to do a one armed handstand.

"Wait, what does that have to do with-" Stormy began to ask.

"No, no, he's got a point." Icy interrupted.

Diaspro privately thought the whole situation was ridiculous, she just wanted to get in and get the job done. However, she wasn't about to make things even worse by voicing her opinion. She wasn't afraid of Valtor, but those witches seemed a little... off. Especially the purple haired one, who Diaspro expected to explode any second.

"Great, now that you've decided, can we please get on with it? I'm sure you all understand that I want my revenge as soon as possible." Diaspro said.

"Yeah yeah, don't get your pixie panties in a twist." Icy replied. "Let's get this thing over with."

* * *

Valtor flipped back onto his feet and proceeded to walk towards the school gates. However, he was suddenly stopped by an invisible barrier when he tried to pass through them. The wizard smacked his nose on the magical wall and fell backwards onto his ass, prompting hysterical laughter from the witches.

"Hmm, it seems the fairies were wise enough to erect a magical barrier to keep me from getting in." Valtor said. "It probably prevents witches from entering too, but there's a good chance a fairy could pass through it." he looked directly at Diaspro.

The ex-princess shrugged and flawlessly walked through the gates. "Alright, looks like I can go through. Now what?" she asked.

"It's simple, just invite me in." Valtor replied. "No barrier can bar an invited guest."

Diaspro scratched her head. "Isn't that just for vampires? I don't recall there being a rule like that for wizards."

"That's not important right now, just let me in!" Valtor demanded.

"Fine, enter the threshold or whatever." the fairy sighed.

The wizard laughed evilly as he stepped through the gates, effortlessly bypassing the protection spell. He then cast his own spell on the magical shield, creating a hole large enough for the witches to walk through. The Trix snickered as they entered Alfea, Stormy deciding to light the grass on fire with a lightning bolt.

"Careful you idiot, we're trying _not_ to attract attention." Darcy sighed, putting out the fire with a wave of her hand.

"I knew I wouldn't have any fun." Stormy grumbled.

The group stealthily entered the dormitory wing, cloaked by Darcy's shadow magic. Valtor took point, leading them around every corner as if he were the star of a James Bond movie.

"Is this really necessary?" Diaspro asked, feeling that the wizard was being far too dramatic and not the least bit efficient.

"Silence, we're almost at our destination." Valtor replied, holding up a hand to quiet her. "The perfect place to start searching for clues: the sleeping place of my most hated enemies... the Winx Club!"


	5. The Final Solution

The Doobie gang entered the center hall of the Winx Club's dorm. From this spot, each of their rooms could be accessed with ease. It was clear which room housed which fairy, even Valtor had no trouble guessing. Bloom and Flora's door had vines growing across it, Stella's had her name on it in the brightest, vainest colors imaginable, and Techna and Musa's had a high tech protection lock on it. Therefore, by process of elimination, the plain door belonged to Layla.

"As you may have guessed, my unsurpassed detective skills have deduced exactly whom lies behind each door," Valtor said smugly. "I truly am a genius in my field."

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Except for the fact that literally every one of us can already tell because it's _just that fucking obvious_."

"Well guess what Darcy? I think we're all tired of your bad attitude. All you've done so far on this mission is whine and complain, and frankly it's not very attractive. Why can't you have a brighter outlook on things?" the wizard asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"Oh, I dunno, maybe because I'm the witch of FUCKING. DARKNESS." the brunette seethed, her expanse of hair floating to the ceiling due to her anger.

"Whoa, calm down Darcy," Stormy said. "Wait a minute, holy shit. This has never happened before, it's always been the other way around."

"Well, this little exchange was completely pointless," Diaspro commented. "Can we get back to finding out who stole my fanfiction now?"

"Right, the reason we came here," Valtor said. "Okay, let's split up gang!"

Darcy raised her hand to comment on how bad of an idea that was, but then realized it would be for naught. "It's tough being the smart one," she sighed.

"Diaspro, you interrogate Layla," Valtor directed, a clear plan in mind. "Stormy and Darcy, you'll take Tecna and Musa. Icy will question Stella, whilst I gain information from Bloom and Flora." the Wizard then summoned two spheres of magic, one in each hand. The spheres split into four pieces each and slipped underneath each of the fairies respective doors.

"I just cast a silence spell and a truth spell on each of the rooms," Valtor explained. "No matter how loud things get inside, nobody on the outside will be able to hear it. They'll be forced to honestly answer all of your questions as well."

"Wow, you actually did something useful," Icy commented. "And here I thought you'd gone soft after you started smoking that Earth drug."

The wizard grinned wryly, "I'm full of surprises, my dear."

Valtor watched as the others broke into the rooms he assigned them before finally entering the resting place of his hated enemy. He could tell that Diaspro resented not being able to interrogate Bloom herself, but he didn't trust the fiery ex-princess to get the job done with her emotions in the way. The mission may have initially been for her, but the wizard was going to make sure he got what he wanted out of it while still fulfilling his contract.

* * *

Valtor silently slipped into the room, which contained to peacefully sleeping fairies that were blissfully unaware of the villainous intruder. Both of the girls slept heavily, he could tell that the sound of his footsteps would not wake them. He first slunk over to Flora, the one he didn't care about. She was inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Besides, she was far too nice to ever steal a fanfiction.

"Sweet dreams," Valtor chuckled under his breath as he pulled a stiletto knife from underneath his coat. With one smooth motion, he slid the razor thin blade into Flora's closed eye. The knife effortlessly sliced into her brain, killing the nature fairy before she had the chance to wake up.

The wizard then walked over to the nearest chair, sat down, and lit up the joint he had been saving for the occasion. It was time for the main event to begin. "Excuse me Bloom, but would you mind waking up? I'd like to have a little chat," his voice echoed off the walls as he spoke.

The loud noise managed to awaken the deeply sleeping fairy, who sat straight up in her bed. "Who said that?" Bloom asked, startled. Then she noticed Valtor, and her eyes narrowed to slits. "You! What are you doing here? And why are you smoking weed?"

"I'm the one asking the questions now," Valtor said, a commanding tone in his voice. "Question number one: do you like fanfiction?"

Bloom wanted to say something like "What the hell does that have to do with anything!?" or "Why do you want to know, creep?" but she found herself completely unable to do so.

"Yes." the fairy replied, shocked at her own honesty with the villain.

"Excellent. Question number two: do you write fanfiction?"

Bloom tried to fight the urge to tell the truth, but to no avail. She answered the wizard through gritted teeth, "Sometimes."

"Ah-ha. Now to the final question: did you steal a fanfiction recently?"

The fairy could feel the sweat drip off her brow. It seemed like such a little thing, a minor sin in comparison to the evil Valtor had caused her. It was such a well written story, but she couldn't stand the thought of it featuring her as the villain. She was a famous hero, why would anyone want to write bad things about her? So she took it, and switched the names around to make sure she was the hero, as she rightfully should be.

"Yeah, I did it. So what?" Bloom shouted, leaping out of her bed. "I deserved to be the hero, it's who I am! And I'm sick of answering your questions! MAGIC WINX!"

The redhead floated in the air and was surrounded by all a manner of glowing orbs and sparkles. Wings sprouted from her back and a skimpy outfit materialized in place of her pajamas. Then, before Valtor could even stand, she blasted him with a massive ball of fire, knocking the joint from his hand.

"It figures that a loser like you would do drugs, Valtor," Bloom said as she prepared for his counterattack. "Didn't you know that marijuana dulls your senses?"

The wizard calmly stood up and brushed off his coat. "Weed was only one of the many delightful things I discovered when I visited the planet where you were raised," he said, reaching into his pocket. "For instance, I've come to appreciate the sophisticated simplicity of killing someone by merely firing a tiny piece of metal through a cylinder at high speeds, all with the ease of pulling a trigger."

Then, without another word, Valtor pulled out a six-shot revolver and fired three rounds directly at Bloom. The fairy's brain, which had become so used to magical warfare, had no time to process the high velocity bullets whizzing towards her. The first two tore through her wings, shredding them like paper, while the third entered through her skull, causing Bloom's head to explode in a mess of blood and brains. The corpse collapsed backwards into the wall, smearing it with fairy fluids.

Satisfied, the wizard tossed his blunt onto the lifeless body and left the room. Outside, the other members of his gang were waiting.

"Well this was a waste of time," Diaspro said. "Layla didn't know anything, and the witches said that the other fairies didn't have any information either."

"We didn't even get to fight, everything was too frickin' peaceful," Stormy huffed.

Valtor merely laughed in a fashion befitting a character from an old 60's sitcom. "Don't worry guys, it was Bloom as usual. I took care of it."


	6. Epilogue

Diaspro flopped down onto her bed, exhausted from the events of the past week. She couldn't believe what had transpired, from the theft of her fanfiction on Monday to the death of Bloom on Tuesday, it had all been ridiculous. And of course, that was only the beginning. When the Winx Club found Flora and their leader dead, they immediately swore revenge against the obvious perpetrator and tracked Valtor to his lair. Unfortunately for the fairies, they didn't stand a chance without the power of the Dragonfire on their side.

After destroying the remaining members of the Winx, Valtor went on to obliterate the Faragonda and the rest of the headmasters, absorbing their power to continue his conquest of the universe. He had taken over most of the realms by Saturday, including Eraklyon, where Diaspro was promoted to regional ruler. She supposed she should thank the wizard for giving her the position of power she rightfully deserved, but in the end, all she really wanted to do was continue writing her fanfiction.

Diaspro wearily looked over to her laptop. She was tired, but the need to write overruled her need for sleep. She grabbed her computer and propped up on her elbows to type, about what she wasn't yet sure. However, all the recent chaos gave her an idea. It was still a little rough, but she had real world experiences to draw upon.

It would be set in the realm of Etheria, home of her favorite cartoon character, She-Ra. But the star of the story? Her own self insert, of course.

"Princess Diamond and the Case of the Stolen Fanfic..." Diaspro said out loud as she typed the title on the screen. "Chapter one, Princess Diamond Gets Trolled..."

* * *

**That's it folks. That's the end. Not much really, more of an afterthought than an epilogue. Still, I hope you all enjoyed reading this convoluted mess of a story.**


End file.
